When I'm in a conversation where people start talking about their talents, I clam up and just listen. I hear people talk about musical talents, artistic talents, social talents, and even medical, legal, and educational talents. My sisters are talented; among their many talents, Melissa is a very gifted cook, Marianne is a gifted writer, and Kate is extremely crafty - give her a marker and a piece of paper, and you'll be amazed at the results. My brothers are talented, too. Mike is very artistically and technologically gifted, Dan is socially gifted - he's got a ton of charisma; Steve is educationally gifted - the kid has brains like no one I've ever met! - AND he's talented with quick wit, and Shawn is THE master punster - he's very gifted with words.
Me? Excuse me as I puff my chest out with pride as I share that my talent is...
Sticking my foot in my mouth.
UGH.
I have a talent for unintentionally saying the WRONG things.
Let me give you a few examples:
#1. A few years back, I was at a Denny's with my sisters getting ice cream. I LOVE chocolate shakes, so I got one at Denny's. When we were getting ready to leave, Mar asked how my shake was. I turned to her and said, "I've had better."
Ever seen "Liar, Liar" with Jim Carey? That's what he says to the woman he's in bed with, when she asked how it was for him. So that's what popped into everyone's mind when I said, "I've had better."
What Came Out: I've Had Better
What I Meant: There's better ice cream at other restaurants
What it Sounded Like: I wasn't thinking about ice cream at all, I was thinking about... something else.
#2. One day several years ago I was watching TV with, again, my sisters and cousin, Emily. One of those "Bod" commercials came on - you know, the ones selling a body mist for men, that have the totally hot, ripped guys with women falling all over them saying "I want your Bod." So I say, "I don't think I could do a bod like that." Again, a sexual reference I didn't mean to make.
What Came Out: I Don't Think I Could Do A Bod Like That
What I Meant: I don't care much for muscle-bound men - I like husky guys best
What it Sounded Like: I'm a picky little hussy
The other day at work, a couple of guys were teasing me about rooming with a guy - particularly a very shy, quiet, single guy we're all familiar with. They asked me if I was so immature and naive that I couldn't control myself with a male roommate. (One is LDS and the other was raised LDS, and they know I react easily, so of course they were just teasing me.) So out comes my talent, and the foot goes in the mouth: "It's not ME I'm worried about, it's HIM!" Yet again, more unintentional innuendo.
What I Said: It's Not Me I'm Worried About, It's Him
What I Meant: He could be a serial killer, would I want to put myself in that position
What it Sounded Like: Oh sure, like he could contain himself around ME, I'm so hot!
Not to worry, though! I've figured out a way to cure myself of this unsavory talent.
I just have to stop talking. :)
4 comments:
MEL!!!
You are hillarigious! I love your quotes. it's because your such a darn saint that all of your comments sound dirty. heheheh
and talent? talent? OH MYyyyyyY! YOu have a way of making everyone feel comfortable and loved. You're the best listener in the world. ANd you have THE BESt taste in movies and music. Remembering every actor and singer's name you ever hear. Those are just a few things that took me two seconds to think of.
Talent is your middle name.
Love ya!!!!
P.S. Let's party it up on Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!
DUDE. You left out the best one.
A bunch of the siblings are around the house during the evening, and we hear the sound of a hair blow dryer coming from Mom & Dad's bedroom. Mom had just given Gus, our now-deceased little maltese poodle mutt, a bath...
Haha... ahh man I almost posted your quote but I'll refrain. Those of us who were there remember it well-- HOLY crap. That one STILL brings me to tears with laughter. And yes, it's the innocence and unintended meaning that makes these quotes so hilarious.
Oh you picky little hussy you! I laughed so hard reading this blog! Thank you for the pick me up! But you are extremely talented you know.
1- You are the best listener/converstationalist ever.
2- You have excellent taste in jewlery.
3- You are an unparalleled mix-CD maker
4- You plan a KILLER Stoel Rives Halloween party
5- And you are pretty much the best friend in the entire world
So if occassionally making a sexual reference out of nothing comes into play everyone will forgive you, you little hussy you.
hee hee! that is too funny. i love it. my mom once asked ty to "unscrew her rooster", referring to her paper towel holder, with a rooster on the top, that was screwed in too tight. it was so funny because she got really embarrassed and started laughing before any of us though anything of it. pretty funny, i tell ya!
brennan and alli had their baby on wednesday. i just posted some pictures if you want to check them out.
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