"...But, Lizzy, you look as if you did not enjoy it. You are not going to be Missish, I hope, and pretend to be affronted at an idle report. For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?" -Mr. Bennett, Pride & Prejudice
Last week, I was at dinner with 'my good friend Holly,' as I like to refer to her (we've been friends for over 10 years), and over our brownie skillet, I asked her advice on a situation that came up a few weeks ago, where I (and another family member) unintentionally offended someone. We were wild with regret and mystified at our forgetfulness over this particular incident; full of apologies and reassurances. But the person we offended feels so hurt, it's hard for her to let go. I wanted to know how I could make it right.
Holly thought for a minute before she said, "You know, I think one of the secrets to being happy is to not be easily offended."
How true!! I've heard it a dozen times, but for some reason, heard it with new ears this time. Holly helped me see that people take offense all the time, but only because they let themselves. 9 times out of 10, offensive comments or behavior are unintentional. We did talk about the difference between being offended, and behavior and language that offends the Spirit of the Lord. Very interesting conversation.
For example: Say I'm wearing a green shirt. In a conversation with several people, one of them mentions that green is not a very complimentary color, and only few people should wear it.
a) Was that comment directed at me?
b) Would that person intentionally offend me?
c) Who really cares?
Unfortunately, most people don't stop and think of these things; it's human nature to jump that step and go right to taking offense. I'm guilty of it a thousand times over.
So, I asked Holly, if someone was using foul language and I was offended, was I CHOOSING to be offended at it? She stated that there is a difference, because that offends the Spirit of the Lord, and therefore offends those of us that are trying to keep the Spirit with us.
AH. Very true.
In the meantime, not being easily offended is something I choose to work on. It would make things so much easier; I wouldn't have unkind feelings about anyone, and it would save me a lot of pain and anguish over having offended someone, and feeling bad because I THINK I've offended someone, or someone feeling bad because they've offended me, or THINK they've offended me. Chances are, they haven't, or haven't meant to.
Now, if I could only work on not being filthy...
